WHY COACHING, PART TWO
Further Reflections....
How can coaching from a Buddhist perspective help those practitioners who are living and working in the world?
This question really contains two questions in one:
1) What, in particular, does a modern Buddhist householder need support and feedback on, and
2) For a coach — one who is coming from the Buddhist perspective on philosophy and practice — what unique and specialized skills does he or she need to have, so that they can best help their client? Or, in other words, the quality of the feedback, support, and guidance we receive from a coach is only as good as the depth and authenticity of their wisdom and compassion.
Coaching is a relatively new model of how to help face the frustrations of modern life, as well as the desire to go from coping to high functioning. Coaching seeks to take a step beyond therapy and the treatment of illness, to a model for people who want to reach higher levels of functioning, for those who feel compelled to reach their higher potential, or simply need to remove obstacles to their path of living in the world while embarked on the path to enlightenment.
For those people on the spiritual path, and especially those in the sangha following the Buddhist path, the need is not only unique, but can also be acute.
The particular situation of the practitioner begins with the conflict of wanting to transcend suffering while still living in the world — this is an unparalleled juncture in history, when many lay people in the West are taking up serious, life-changing spiritual practices, at a time when the entire planet faces historical threats to its survival. This struggle manifests in many areas of our lives: love, work, leadership, parenting, money, creativity, etc.
As we become more aware of our karma, we feel our pain more intensely — as if our psychic poisons are now seen in stark relief, each and every day. As this awareness dawns in us, of just how far we are from Buddhahood, it engenders in us an acute sensitivity to our psychic poisons, imprisoning mindsets and cognitive beliefs, and the intransigence of our habits and pettiness. We face the sobering realization that this journey may not only take many decades to complete, but that there will probably be times when it feels extremely difficult to accomplish our goals.
Even if we can achieve wonderful states of peace and understanding in our meditations, the journey is still going to be, at times, frustrating, frightening, and discouraging. As Joseph Campbell so rightly put it, the hero’s archetypal journey includes passages through the Underworld of psyche — even the Buddha had to face down temptations, demons, and Mara, the Goddess of Duality.
This process can happen in so many domains of our life:
Buddhist coaching is one method that can help the individual employ wisdom, compassion, and skillful means in order to resolve these conflicts.
Using the analogy of the world-class sports coach, who looks at the whole gestalt of one’s performance — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually — a Buddhist coach needs to be able to see where we need feedback, encourage us to dig deeper to find the source of our pure motivation, like a spring of crystal energy, to support us with the far-reaching compassion that is born from their own practice. . . and more.
Coaching is focused on identifying and reaching specific, identifiable and measurable goals — Buddhist coaching helps the client do that, all the while paying attention to the difference between ego-driven goals and more essential goals. Sometimes our egos are so subtle, both on the inflated and deflated sides of the coin, that really only a skilled helper looking from the outside can really see our blind spots and reflect back to us what they see — kindly, but honestly.
Coaching does not dwell on the past, processing trauma and injury, but sees healing to be the result of attaining those goals that we yearn for in our heart of hearts. The attainment of those goals produces new experiences of who we see ourselves, others and the world, and new states of mind.
Buddhist coaching suggests how to use the skillful means of the traditions in order to utilize all available methods for our higher, teleological purpose. This includes ethical and moral practices to purify our motives, deity practices to help channel energy into our activity, produce clarity, or a sense of patience and balance. It can include the recommendations of astrologers, Eastern medicine doctors, divinations, and so on, all of which were specifically developed in the Buddhist and other spiritual traditions to help human beings balance their spiritual and worldly lives.
Coaching relies on the innate wisdom and compassion in the individual in order to identify the pain and the solutions to the pain — but sometimes they need to hear themselves talk it out, not in an analytical way, but in a process way (the coach holding the firm conviction that the client’s inner wisdom will lead them to the growth they need).
With the right coach this can be a profoundly moving experience, as so many of us have never had that experience of being encouraged to reach our full potential, while simultaneously dedicating that achievement for the benefit of all sentient beings.. Here, too, the coach will remind or acquaint them of the skillful means at their disposal.
A Buddhist approach to coaching makes the point that growth and healing is a holistic process, which employs the rational intellect as only one of the tools for growth. This point cannot be over-emphasized. Real change comes from not just having insight into our karma, but crossing over into a new experience of ourselves and our capacity for life. It comes from new experiences of seeing ourselves on the other side of an obstacle.
It comes from accomplishment, from realizing a new and different state of mind, from gaining wisdom from our past, and deciding to accept and gain wisdom from what has happened to us rather than fighting it. It comes from tapping into a previously latent faculty of consciousness and marveling in how that new consciousness spontaneously wants to help and heal and enlighten others. And real change can come from a transcendent and transformative quantum change — a peak experience — where nothing is ever the same. These are the many ways that the dharma can manifest in our worldly lives, and lift us up.
Buddhist coaching is also uniquely different in its reliance on several cardinal principles of the tradition, for example, the principle of our Buddha nature; on bodhicitta, on the concept of the two truths, absolute and relative, emptiness, and the concept of the graduated path of enlightenment, with stages along the way, and the progressive opening of higher faculties of consciousness.
This question really contains two questions in one:
1) What, in particular, does a modern Buddhist householder need support and feedback on, and
2) For a coach — one who is coming from the Buddhist perspective on philosophy and practice — what unique and specialized skills does he or she need to have, so that they can best help their client? Or, in other words, the quality of the feedback, support, and guidance we receive from a coach is only as good as the depth and authenticity of their wisdom and compassion.
Coaching is a relatively new model of how to help face the frustrations of modern life, as well as the desire to go from coping to high functioning. Coaching seeks to take a step beyond therapy and the treatment of illness, to a model for people who want to reach higher levels of functioning, for those who feel compelled to reach their higher potential, or simply need to remove obstacles to their path of living in the world while embarked on the path to enlightenment.
For those people on the spiritual path, and especially those in the sangha following the Buddhist path, the need is not only unique, but can also be acute.
The particular situation of the practitioner begins with the conflict of wanting to transcend suffering while still living in the world — this is an unparalleled juncture in history, when many lay people in the West are taking up serious, life-changing spiritual practices, at a time when the entire planet faces historical threats to its survival. This struggle manifests in many areas of our lives: love, work, leadership, parenting, money, creativity, etc.
As we become more aware of our karma, we feel our pain more intensely — as if our psychic poisons are now seen in stark relief, each and every day. As this awareness dawns in us, of just how far we are from Buddhahood, it engenders in us an acute sensitivity to our psychic poisons, imprisoning mindsets and cognitive beliefs, and the intransigence of our habits and pettiness. We face the sobering realization that this journey may not only take many decades to complete, but that there will probably be times when it feels extremely difficult to accomplish our goals.
Even if we can achieve wonderful states of peace and understanding in our meditations, the journey is still going to be, at times, frustrating, frightening, and discouraging. As Joseph Campbell so rightly put it, the hero’s archetypal journey includes passages through the Underworld of psyche — even the Buddha had to face down temptations, demons, and Mara, the Goddess of Duality.
This process can happen in so many domains of our life:
- When you see yourself getting mad (or anxious, or depressed) at someone or something, and yet you still haven’t developed the self-control to stop it.
- We become hyper-aware of our motives, let’s say in our career path, and we over-think and over-question every move. . . We find it hard to separate out what is ego, and what is normal and healthy functioning. What part of our ego is necessary for living in the world, and which part is self-aggrandizing or inflated, or deflated! What part is our normal and healthy desire to fulfill our potential?
- When we come up against karmic obstacles, say with money, and we have no idea how to turn that around, even if our Teacher has told us it’s okay, go ahead and make the money (just don’t get attached).
- We find we cannot be patient — waiting for the right partner, or to have children, or for a relocation, or a promotion, or a change in career, etc. Or being patient as a parent, partner, boss, employee, community member, etc.
- Or we have a dysfunctional family member and we find we are having compassion fatigue.
- We are aware of a personality trait deeply embedded, but find it so difficult to change, even after years of effort and self-reflection.
- Or when the spiritual practice simply flushes up all kinds of shadow material that needs to be purified and cleansed but it doesn’t need therapy, per se, it needs wisdom and compassion.
- In creativity, learning how to free up our creative thinking, or to truly learn self-discipline, or the humility to learn from a master.
- Or when we discover that we are uncritically and gullibly swallowing beliefs that everything about Eastern wisdom traditions is superior to our culture, or vice versa.
- And on, and on!
Buddhist coaching is one method that can help the individual employ wisdom, compassion, and skillful means in order to resolve these conflicts.
Using the analogy of the world-class sports coach, who looks at the whole gestalt of one’s performance — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually — a Buddhist coach needs to be able to see where we need feedback, encourage us to dig deeper to find the source of our pure motivation, like a spring of crystal energy, to support us with the far-reaching compassion that is born from their own practice. . . and more.
Coaching is focused on identifying and reaching specific, identifiable and measurable goals — Buddhist coaching helps the client do that, all the while paying attention to the difference between ego-driven goals and more essential goals. Sometimes our egos are so subtle, both on the inflated and deflated sides of the coin, that really only a skilled helper looking from the outside can really see our blind spots and reflect back to us what they see — kindly, but honestly.
Coaching does not dwell on the past, processing trauma and injury, but sees healing to be the result of attaining those goals that we yearn for in our heart of hearts. The attainment of those goals produces new experiences of who we see ourselves, others and the world, and new states of mind.
Buddhist coaching suggests how to use the skillful means of the traditions in order to utilize all available methods for our higher, teleological purpose. This includes ethical and moral practices to purify our motives, deity practices to help channel energy into our activity, produce clarity, or a sense of patience and balance. It can include the recommendations of astrologers, Eastern medicine doctors, divinations, and so on, all of which were specifically developed in the Buddhist and other spiritual traditions to help human beings balance their spiritual and worldly lives.
Coaching relies on the innate wisdom and compassion in the individual in order to identify the pain and the solutions to the pain — but sometimes they need to hear themselves talk it out, not in an analytical way, but in a process way (the coach holding the firm conviction that the client’s inner wisdom will lead them to the growth they need).
With the right coach this can be a profoundly moving experience, as so many of us have never had that experience of being encouraged to reach our full potential, while simultaneously dedicating that achievement for the benefit of all sentient beings.. Here, too, the coach will remind or acquaint them of the skillful means at their disposal.
A Buddhist approach to coaching makes the point that growth and healing is a holistic process, which employs the rational intellect as only one of the tools for growth. This point cannot be over-emphasized. Real change comes from not just having insight into our karma, but crossing over into a new experience of ourselves and our capacity for life. It comes from new experiences of seeing ourselves on the other side of an obstacle.
It comes from accomplishment, from realizing a new and different state of mind, from gaining wisdom from our past, and deciding to accept and gain wisdom from what has happened to us rather than fighting it. It comes from tapping into a previously latent faculty of consciousness and marveling in how that new consciousness spontaneously wants to help and heal and enlighten others. And real change can come from a transcendent and transformative quantum change — a peak experience — where nothing is ever the same. These are the many ways that the dharma can manifest in our worldly lives, and lift us up.
Buddhist coaching is also uniquely different in its reliance on several cardinal principles of the tradition, for example, the principle of our Buddha nature; on bodhicitta, on the concept of the two truths, absolute and relative, emptiness, and the concept of the graduated path of enlightenment, with stages along the way, and the progressive opening of higher faculties of consciousness.