HOW DOES
BUDDHIST COACHING
WORK...
continued
Continuing to Build Sacred Trust
This back and forth between client and coach as goals are clarified, and ethical values are aligned, requires a meeting of minds in a clear and sacred space, with the benefit of all sentient beings always in mind. Clients sometimes may need to be reminded to ask teachers about how to call on the resources of the Buddhist tradition.
There are wealth and empowering practices — and teachings about how to manage wealth and power appropriately — practices for increasing or beginning new activities, clearing obstacles, prayers in order to activate our untapped inner resources, and visualizations of how to access the infinitely beneficent aid of the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, dakas, and dakinis.
There can be enormous benefit from getting insight into the (via the Vedic or Tibetan systems) astrological profile we were born with, or the medical typology of our humors, or even the Western personality types such as the Myers-Briggs or the enneagram of the personality. All these skillful means are there in abundance for the householder to draw upon.
Our Sacred Duty to Function at a Higher Level --
or Overcoming the Laziness of Inferiority
Or, perhaps we have too much ‘emptiness’ or false humility, or as His Holiness says, the ‘laziness of inferiority.’ Dharma-inspired coaching can serve the too-timid or self-doubting client by helping validate their need and duty to function at a higher level.
Is it not actually our duty to realize our highest potential, to manifest all of our talents and abilities, so that we can be of better service to all sentient beings, and by extension, our community, our family, and ourselves?
Non-duality, Living in the World, and Philosophical Calibrations
This process often involves helping a person get out of dualistic thinking, to see that there is nothing wrong with having wealth or power, or loving intimately, or being intensely involved with family or community, as long as we can get to a clear space in our psyches about it. As Shakespeare said, “There is nothing bad or good, but thinking makes it so.”
Sometimes the liberation of our talents and abilities lies simply in reframing our view with humor and holistic thinking. What is difficult is getting to this liberated state by ourselves alone. The coach can be that one to help us reflect back the absurdity of our dualistic thinking, help us laugh about it, and remind us when we slip back into its clutches.
For those practitioners inclined to Buddhist philosophy, it can be very interesting to try and marry theory and practice with being a householder. How does non-duality manifest in one’s efforts to live fully and harmoniously in the world? How does the doctrine of absolute and relative truth play out in my daily life? How can I observe ‘mind-only,’ 'middle way,' or ‘great perfection’ principles, while going about the tasks of life?
All of this can be done with humor and grace, and by remembering that in the Buddhist tradition, philosophy was never meant to be a stuffy, ivory tower pursuit of mental self-stimulation. For the Buddhist, philosophy is a way of life.
Coaching with a Background in Psychotherapy
As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who has been working with individuals and families for over 24 years, and as a Grief and Suicide Prevention counselor for years before that, I offer something unique. Coaching clients can often benefit from the vast experience of the psychological community, whether it be transpersonal or positive psychology, personality inventories and typologies, journaling, narrative re-writing, and much more.
A client may need education about how we change habits, or instill higher levels of discipline. I can also help the client see when someone’s mental and emotional health has gone off the rails, and help them get what proper referrals they might need.
Because the path of dharma dredges up the very depth of our karma, and the purification process can be very intense indeed, especially when our teacher is far away, and we still have to get up in the morning, feed the kids, get them to school, go to our job, and not blow a gasket, then it is all the more important to have someone to help us stay grounded, to remind us to take it easy when necessary, to remember that we are not going insane, we are just having our old shell shattered into pieces.
In my experience, often dharma clients need less therapy and more coaching. Coaching helps us focus on how to change bad habits or fulfill their goals. And it is in the reaching of goals, or accomplishment, that we often find the fastest way to healing and the evolution of one’s identity.
Why Warmth, Loving Kindness, and Deep Listening Are Essential
But what is most important in this process is the quality of the relationship and that the client feels that their coach cares warmly about them. This is what creates the alchemy of change, and is exactly the same dynamic as has been proven, in research study after research study, to be most essential in psychotherapy.
In having a Buddha nature, the client has all the necessary wisdom and compassion and motivation within themselves to change and grow. And yet, this Buddha nature is more or less asleep, and we need someone who holds us in the sacred space of knowing that it is there, and is simply lying latent. Often enough, a catalyst and a sacred space are what we need to go deeply enough to find our own higher faculties of consciousness. Feeling the loving kindness of the helper greatly facilitates this process.
Being Held Accountable Is One of Life’s Greatest Pleasures
A core tenet of coaching is having someone hold us accountable to the tasks and goals that we identify and commit to. But we each want to be held accountable in our own unique way — that is, by someone who truly ‘gets’ us.
Each and every client-coach relationship is unique, and the client really has to feel the “click” between them, the beginning of trust, comfort, and a humorous view. We need to feel we are not judged, as I mentioned above, and we need to feel we can bare our souls when the darkness of our doubts arises. If we have demons getting in our way, we need to bring them out to the light of day. When it happens, and the coach has skillfully reminded us of our great potential, and our pure motivation to help all beings, it is one of the best feelings in the world.
The Only Way to Really See If it Works for You Is to Try
Please do not hesitate to call and talk it over with me. You have read this far and are hopefully intrigued.
This back and forth between client and coach as goals are clarified, and ethical values are aligned, requires a meeting of minds in a clear and sacred space, with the benefit of all sentient beings always in mind. Clients sometimes may need to be reminded to ask teachers about how to call on the resources of the Buddhist tradition.
There are wealth and empowering practices — and teachings about how to manage wealth and power appropriately — practices for increasing or beginning new activities, clearing obstacles, prayers in order to activate our untapped inner resources, and visualizations of how to access the infinitely beneficent aid of the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, dakas, and dakinis.
There can be enormous benefit from getting insight into the (via the Vedic or Tibetan systems) astrological profile we were born with, or the medical typology of our humors, or even the Western personality types such as the Myers-Briggs or the enneagram of the personality. All these skillful means are there in abundance for the householder to draw upon.
Our Sacred Duty to Function at a Higher Level --
or Overcoming the Laziness of Inferiority
Or, perhaps we have too much ‘emptiness’ or false humility, or as His Holiness says, the ‘laziness of inferiority.’ Dharma-inspired coaching can serve the too-timid or self-doubting client by helping validate their need and duty to function at a higher level.
Is it not actually our duty to realize our highest potential, to manifest all of our talents and abilities, so that we can be of better service to all sentient beings, and by extension, our community, our family, and ourselves?
Non-duality, Living in the World, and Philosophical Calibrations
This process often involves helping a person get out of dualistic thinking, to see that there is nothing wrong with having wealth or power, or loving intimately, or being intensely involved with family or community, as long as we can get to a clear space in our psyches about it. As Shakespeare said, “There is nothing bad or good, but thinking makes it so.”
Sometimes the liberation of our talents and abilities lies simply in reframing our view with humor and holistic thinking. What is difficult is getting to this liberated state by ourselves alone. The coach can be that one to help us reflect back the absurdity of our dualistic thinking, help us laugh about it, and remind us when we slip back into its clutches.
For those practitioners inclined to Buddhist philosophy, it can be very interesting to try and marry theory and practice with being a householder. How does non-duality manifest in one’s efforts to live fully and harmoniously in the world? How does the doctrine of absolute and relative truth play out in my daily life? How can I observe ‘mind-only,’ 'middle way,' or ‘great perfection’ principles, while going about the tasks of life?
All of this can be done with humor and grace, and by remembering that in the Buddhist tradition, philosophy was never meant to be a stuffy, ivory tower pursuit of mental self-stimulation. For the Buddhist, philosophy is a way of life.
Coaching with a Background in Psychotherapy
As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who has been working with individuals and families for over 24 years, and as a Grief and Suicide Prevention counselor for years before that, I offer something unique. Coaching clients can often benefit from the vast experience of the psychological community, whether it be transpersonal or positive psychology, personality inventories and typologies, journaling, narrative re-writing, and much more.
A client may need education about how we change habits, or instill higher levels of discipline. I can also help the client see when someone’s mental and emotional health has gone off the rails, and help them get what proper referrals they might need.
Because the path of dharma dredges up the very depth of our karma, and the purification process can be very intense indeed, especially when our teacher is far away, and we still have to get up in the morning, feed the kids, get them to school, go to our job, and not blow a gasket, then it is all the more important to have someone to help us stay grounded, to remind us to take it easy when necessary, to remember that we are not going insane, we are just having our old shell shattered into pieces.
In my experience, often dharma clients need less therapy and more coaching. Coaching helps us focus on how to change bad habits or fulfill their goals. And it is in the reaching of goals, or accomplishment, that we often find the fastest way to healing and the evolution of one’s identity.
Why Warmth, Loving Kindness, and Deep Listening Are Essential
But what is most important in this process is the quality of the relationship and that the client feels that their coach cares warmly about them. This is what creates the alchemy of change, and is exactly the same dynamic as has been proven, in research study after research study, to be most essential in psychotherapy.
In having a Buddha nature, the client has all the necessary wisdom and compassion and motivation within themselves to change and grow. And yet, this Buddha nature is more or less asleep, and we need someone who holds us in the sacred space of knowing that it is there, and is simply lying latent. Often enough, a catalyst and a sacred space are what we need to go deeply enough to find our own higher faculties of consciousness. Feeling the loving kindness of the helper greatly facilitates this process.
Being Held Accountable Is One of Life’s Greatest Pleasures
A core tenet of coaching is having someone hold us accountable to the tasks and goals that we identify and commit to. But we each want to be held accountable in our own unique way — that is, by someone who truly ‘gets’ us.
Each and every client-coach relationship is unique, and the client really has to feel the “click” between them, the beginning of trust, comfort, and a humorous view. We need to feel we are not judged, as I mentioned above, and we need to feel we can bare our souls when the darkness of our doubts arises. If we have demons getting in our way, we need to bring them out to the light of day. When it happens, and the coach has skillfully reminded us of our great potential, and our pure motivation to help all beings, it is one of the best feelings in the world.
The Only Way to Really See If it Works for You Is to Try
Please do not hesitate to call and talk it over with me. You have read this far and are hopefully intrigued.